Twas Grooms Doom

The case in Bonnieville, Ky

This week No Stain No Problem got called out to another small town called Bonnieville, KY, pop 257. Going to all of these small towns is starting to get annoying. I still miss the big city. All of the lights and noises can not be found anywhere and I could go to any sporting event that I could imagine. The Hawks, Falcons and my favorite the Braves. Anyways let me get back to the clean up. The women murdered in this town was Martha Burtis. She was a professor at her college and the poor woman was strangled and shoved into a box. It is such a shame because she seemed like the nicest lady who most likely gave A’s to people in her class. At the murder scene we found Burtis’s cell phone and we found a video on it by someone named Black. The video was about a missing cat named Noir Cat. With my super detective mind I remembered that the initials on the bowl of the missing cat was NC. That when I knew that all of this cat evidence that keeps showing up has not been just a coincidence. Then I remembered that I had talked to some of the local cop’s and they said that some crazy lady had been calling about her missing cat. This is when it hit me that the murderer at these three crimes has been following the cat and killing anyone who has the cat. That is when the group decided that we could do some good and actually find out who this killer is, which I was going to suggest but Billy beat me too it. Man this got me jacked up. I was going to be like my old self again. Investigating murders, talking to witnesses, having sex with Blair (that happens anyways), finding a killer and most importantly putting him behind bars. I can not wait to start this investigation.

Discovery in Fredericksburg VA.

So, the mystery has been solved. Jim Groom, a man from the digital knowledge realm who worked side by side with one of his victims. He chased noir cat around the country killing whoever was the legal owner. I can not think of a reason for him doing so, except that he is mentally deranged. I can’t say I have not seen this before with my old police job in Atlanta. A deranged man who is so emotionally involved with something that he goes crazy and kills anything that is involved with it. In most cases it is an old girlfriend but I guess Groom was crazy enough for it to be a cat. I pray for the souls that were killed over a cat, yet I do admit it is a pretty awesome kitty. Not enough to go on a killing spree for though.

Anyway, Jim Groom is the murderer. We found out that a certain wrist band was worn by every single victim which said “4Life”, and with my incredible detective mind I remembered that “4Life” was the logo for DS106 which assured everyone that Groom was the murderer. I’m not saying that without me there is no way the group would have found out Groom was the killer, but I am saying that exactly.

After questioning Groom for a while we slowly got him to crack. We used the good cop bad cop routine except almost everyone was the bad cop. This technique eventually got him to admit that he was the murderer and that he abducted noir cat. I felt so proud for the rest of the agency. I felt like they could one day help me if we decided to become an investigation firm. They would all make a couple of good patawons.

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